This is Djokovic's motto. I know it's not originally his quote, but I feel like it's close enough. So he just lost out yesterday on the opportunity to play for gold. So now, my two favorite tennis players have to battle it out for the bronze. Naturally, I want Djokovic to win. Yesterday I was in a depressed funk that I couldn't get out of, probably because I was watching tennis videos. I really think he deserved the gold more than anyone else in the Olympics. I love his story, so I'm going to share a video of him on 60 Minutes:
Not only does he inspire me, but he's also a great guy. I mean, he's literally perfect. I think he deserves it more than any other tennis player. Here's an awesome long fan video that is made really well:
So I am super disappointed, but I think that the quote he lives by pertains here. When he wins, I think it means more. He works for everything, and he has overcome so much. That's why he's my favorite. He was also my favorite thing to watch in the opening ceremonies, which were amazing. Here's a picture:
I love his facial expression. He's just so happy to be there!
I am SO excited for the 2012 London Olympics Opening Ceremony! There is just something about the Olympics, and the history and tradition of it all, that makes everything magical for a couple of weeks. The world really does come together to compete.
So, instead of blabbering on about the traditions and history of the opening ceremonies, I will just post these videos. If you have a few minutes, they are completely worth it!
Here is the lighting of the Olympic cauldrons from 1968 to present (there are some really cool ones here!):
The official 2012 London Olympic song, by Muse, called "Survival" (but my favorite part by far is Djokovic toward the end):
And to finish off, the last thing I'll post before I go get the tea and crumpets ready for the London opening ceremonies is this video of the Beijing opening ceremonies:
You might have to watch those on YouTube. Anyway, I just really loved Beijing Olympics. They were the most amazing opening ceremonies I have ever seen. While I'll try not to compare the two, I probably won't be able to stop myself from comparing a little bit. Whatever London does, I'm sure it will be a fabulous Olympics anyway. GO Team World! But especially, Go Team Novak!
I might give the weekend a break, but I'll be back soon, so don't worry. See you later!
I know that this is a great quote, and it shouldn't be applied to what I'm about to apply it to, but I'm going to anyway. So, I came home today. My whole family is home together for the first time in a long time. And as wonderful as that is, it's also kind of scary.
Here's to not turning my back on threatened danger. And here's to being able to watch the Olympics with four people that don't know how to calm down and stay quiet. What would the opening ceremonies be without constant distractions that make you miss anything cool that happens? I mean really. Family is necessary.
Enjoy the quote, and enjoy this interview with Tom Hiddleston:
Have fun, and I'll try my best to post a little Olympic tribute tomorrow. I don't know how successful that will be, but I'll try to find some time. Be back tomorrow!
This is what I feel like doing. Unfortunately, I don't look like this.
Honestly, I didn't feel like blogging a whole lot today. I just feel crummy, and my throat hurts. For some reason, when it hurts to speak out loud, I don't feel like talking via typing either.
Whatever I'm feeling, I definitely wanted to blog this quote. Too often, I think, we let this happen. We only appreciate the strategy, without any regard for the actual result. The appearance of something seems better than reality. Sometimes I come across this with the idea of logic. Logic and reason are often portrayed as faults in classic literature, like Doctor Faustus and Paradise Lost. Logic leads to the character's downfall. I'm not saying logic is bad, and if you use it, you'll be the next Satan. Instead, I'm just saying that no matter how beautiful the strategy or logic of the strategy sounds, make sure to check up on the results as well.
I look like this instead.
That's pretty much all that's been on my mind, and that was yesterday. Today, I am just dead tired, and a little annoyed, honestly, because of an accumulation of busy work at my internship, inconsiderate roommates, and sickness. I hate being sick.
So that's all I have to say today. I'll be in a better mood tomorrow, because I'm going home to watch the Olympics! The opening ceremonies are always my favorite part. I love seeing all the countries gather their athletes together and the host country putting on an exhibition of the best they have to offer. I'm in a better mood just thinking about it, actually! I would say "Go Team USU," but really, I root for whoever I feel like deserves it. So for now, "Go Team World." Remember last year, when I was missing the Olympics? I predicted that Djokovic would win that year's U.S. Open, and he did. If you want to read what I thought about the Olympics last year or watch the awesome Beijing opening ceremony drums, click here. That was also a perfect quote for the coming weeks.
And okay, I know this isn't a confessional or whatever, but for some reason, I feel like unloading all of my guilty secrets here. Okay, once upon a time, I thought this weird little teeny-bopper band called One Direction was Justin Bieber x5. I thought they all had weird floppy hair, wanna-be-cool attitudes, and peppy songs about how beautiful their teeny-bopper fans are. Which are all things that are true, turns out. However, despite all that, I have fallen into the trap of the cute little British boy band. Maybe it's because they're British. Maybe it's because I'm secretly in love with the Irish guy. Or maybe it's because somewhere, deep down, I need that uplifting boost their songs give their fans. Whatever it is, take a listen, and judge me accordingly.
Here's my favorite one:
And then the next one:
And their most famous one:
So yeah. Judge me or whatever, but you have to admit. They're a little bit adorable. They just make me happy, which is always good. Until tomorrow, enjoy playing each on repeat. (I know you will.) Be back tomorrow!
Well, I think this quote explains what I was thinking about yesterday. I don't see life as a marathon, where we reach the end only to say to ourselves, "What now?" after we finish the race. Instead of everything leading up to that one big moment where you push yourself further than your body wants to go, I think that life is like an infinite mountain. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but I feel like on our journey that we call life, our choices help us move our way up the foothills and, eventually, the mountain that looms before us. Every day, we travel the course we choose, either through the brambles or the woods, to get that much closer to the top. We have those moments of clarity, when we reach the top of the next foothill or a clearing that allows us to see how far we've come (or how far we still have to go), but most of the time, we are caught up in what is directly ahead of us and what we are dealing with in that particular moment. There are moments when we don't think our efforts are getting us anywhere. And then there are those moments when we realize we've been going in circles or even been moving down the mountain in our disoriented state. Sometimes we forget to climb a tree and evaluate how far we've come. If we did, we might realize more often that we are moving in a path that we couldn't have predicted, but is getting us where we need to be.
Winston Churchill is completely right when he says that the journey should provide joy and glory for you. I can't help but think of this quote in the terms of my own faith. I think it really explains how our journey never ends. Even after this life, we'll continue to learn and climb. We are facing an infinite mountain, in which the joy doesn't result from reaching the top, but comes instead from the climb itself. The work involved in progressing up our own personal mountain is where we get our joy and glory, not from being the first one to reach the top.
Well, I don't know if any of this is even making sense. However, I kept thinking of the movie trailer for the new Jack and the Bean Stalk movie. I think it's called "Jack the Giant Killer," and here's the trailer:
Now, I'm not saying life is a bean stalk or anything, I just think that movie looks good. Plus, Ewan McGregor's in it. With really awesome hair.
And here's a lovely song I've been listening to today:
Enjoy! And I'll be back tomorrow with more Sir Winston!
Well I had a great weekend. Although I was quite sick and groggy, I actually enjoyed myself. I'm definitely one of those people that like to snuggle up under a blanket, read a book (or watch a movie), and relax. Having a cold is the perfect excuse to do just that. However, I don't really even know if what I had was a cold. It's summertime! And it's already mostly gone, minus my slightly hoarse voice. So whatever it was, it wasn't too bad, other than the chills, fever, and achy-ness that first hit me right at the beginning. I did make the cake I blogged about on Friday (see here). Here are the delectable pictures. I couldn't choose one, so I'll just post all three, since I'm so proud of myself. I actually succeeded at making this skillet cake, and it tasted delicious!
Chocolate skillet cake + chocolate pecan frosting + caramel + butter pecan ice cream = gooey, moist, delectable cake in a pan. Just add a fork (or two, if you actually want to share . . . ) and a napkin.
Bird's-eye view. See the carmel web over the butter pecan ice cream?
Glamorous profile shot. You can even see the globs of caramel drizzled seductively over the frosting and ice cream. Oh, and the backdrop of my kitchen table, bowl of extra caramel and all.
I know, I know. This should totally turn into a recipe blog. I can quote the Barefoot Contessa, Julia Child, and Jacques Pepin, while showing off my camera skills as well. No, just kidding. As you know, I can only take as good of pictures as my camera can, and ultimately, my cooking skills aren't quite up to par (read about the failed chocolate popcorn attempt here).
I did have an idea, though. I noticed that the week leading up to my blog's birthday, when I had a prompt to write for each day, I had funner blogging each day. It wasn't forced, and I was more open to the natural flow of words. It also helped that I pretty much lived alone for a while. But now my roommate's back, and my words have become a bit held back. I don't have as much time to sit back and ponder about things, because instead of thinking about things before I publish them to cyberspace, I blurt things out to defend myself, prove myself, or punish myself. That's why I feel like today's quote by Sir Winston Churchill is so valid. I definitely know exactly how my thoughts work, and those unsaid words combine to form my unsaid opinions. However, when I blurt things out half-formed or unfinished in reaction to something or someone, those words become my master. They can be used mercilessly against me, and I can be judged against them. I think that is one of the scariest things about putting your thoughts and opinions out there. Most of the time, especially with opinions, they face scrutiny and comparison to everyone else's personal opinion. Naturally, everyone thinks that their opinion is right, at least for themselves. I just don't see why once stated, our opinions become absolutely written in stone. Like our unsaid words, why can't they change and develop with everything we learn and experience. Isn't that a symptom of life? Everything changes and develops.
However, once we state our opinions, if we decide to cut this part there and add this slice in there, we're unable to make up our minds. However, perhaps this is just a willingness to let life and it's experiences change us. This quote is very true. And in some things, it is necessary to hold people to their word, but with opinions and ideas, let them change. Let your own change. I know that for a while, I wouldn't budge from my opinions as someone attacked me. I would throw them out in front of me and build them up with stubbornness as their reinforcement. I think this is a natural reaction to argument, but I just sat there, listening to all these things I'd honestly never thought of before and couldn't let the person know she'd won by changing my viewpoint on something. Because she did. This person changed so many of my opinions about things. I go back now, thinking about all of my opinions that she weakened with her skillful logic and reason, and I wonder why I let her rip them down. I had no confidence in my own opinions, because they were based on little ideas I'd had when I was a teenager. Most of them were from my parents or family. But they are so much stronger now, because from the constant bombardment, I have developed my own opinions. They aren't fully formed, not even close. But they aren't my parents' opinions, they aren't my sisters opinions, nor are they my friends' opinions. Each had their effect, some stronger than others, but they all helped shape my opinions. I get a little wary of sharing my opinions, especially to those people around me that can attack them with all the facts they know, but I hope as I gain experience, I'll gain confidence in my ideas and opinions.
Well, after that tangent, I'll go back and tell you about the idea I had for my little blog. Since I had a hard time choosing between two great Churchill quotes, I'm going to dedicate this week to Sir Winston Churchill. Not my posts, of course, but each day will be a new Winston quote, just because there are so many. He was a smart man, and I love his words. I'm sure most of his quotes will bring out some unforeseen rant in me. It will surely be fun. I already have some great ones lined up. Maybe it'll have to be two weeks. . . .
Well, until tomorrow, I'll leave you with a quote and a video. First the quote, which is another Winston one. I thought it pertained too well to today's rant, so I couldn't leave it out.
"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber." -Sir Winston Churchill
I just love that. So simple. So true. And here's the video! I was rewatching some old videos I loved, and I remembered this one from my German class. Take a look (don't worry, there are subtitles), and pay special attention to the beautiful soccer team. Such a beautiful, beautiful sport. . . .
Okay that's all for today! I'll be back tomorrow. So until then, hit the repeat button a couple of times to savor in the fabulousness of this commercial, look up a couple airline flights to your destination of choice, and make a skillet cake. Have fun!
Well, unfortunately I'm still sick today. However, instead of taking a two hour nap and being groggy for the rest of a perfectly good Friday, I've decided I will read The Historian, maybe go shopping with my roommate, then make a skillet cake. Take a look: Gooey Chocolate Skillet Cake. Doesn't it just look delicious? So I might try that. Let's hope it turns out better than my chocolate popcorn . . .
In other news, here's a great couple of videos I found on YouTube (and really, although it seems like I spend a lot of time on YouTube finding these great videos, I really don't):
Part 1:
Part 2:
And here's a clip of Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton that I just think is hilarious and sweet. Maggie Smith is amazing.
So enjoy! I'm off to the store to get buttermilk so I can make my delicious (hopefully) cake and get better. See you soon!
That quote is especially true right now. I seem to have come down with a cold. A nasty one too. Everything's sore, and I am SO tired. However, I couldn't go to bed without sharing something. So here is a picture I think of when people tell me to be optimistic. I feel like the elephant.
In this time of sickness and struggle, just remember this: it's okay to be down and out for a couple days, which is exactly what I plan to do. I'll watch some Downton Abbey, drink some orange juice, and curl up with a book and take a well-deserved nap.
I just found this online somewhere, and it completely boggled my mind. Apparently Boo from Monsters, Inc. makes an appearance in Toy Story 3. I knew that the superhero movies made by Marvel all had references to each other (leading up the the big one, a movie called The Avengers). I didn't realize that Pixar did this as well. Pixar confirmed that they used the same voice for both these characters, so my obvious conclusion is that the girl shown in the daycare is a slightly grown-up Boo. Here's the video if you need more proof.
So decide for yourself. I'm going with it. I think it's Boo. This video led me to a few other clips from Toy Story 3, which I only saw once, in a drive in theater, right before I went off to college. I feel like my generation grew up with characters like Andy in Toy Story and the whole Harry Potter gang. I can't help but feel proud to grow up with such wonderful, legendary stories. I watched a few great clips of Toy Story 3, but my favorite one sums up everything I want to convey today. Here's the ending scene of Toy Story 3. I couldn't help but tear up a bit while watching this. It's just wonderful:
The ending of this movie was just so beautifully sad, it's hard not to cry. Especially since I feel like I went through the same thing, and am still going through it, as I moved away from home and am trying to find where I'm going in the world. Another video worth watching is this one about the growth of the Harry Potter characters. The story, the characters, everything about the Harry Potter series defines my generation. It is something that will never be forgotten and will surely never leave my heart. Here's a fan made tribute that also makes me tear up a bit:
I grew up with these books and movies. I was the perfect age to get the book or movie at the same time the characters would receive their next Hogwarts letter. It felt special to go through them with so much time spacing it out. As great as it is to have marathons and watch a whole show or read a whole series in only a couple days, there is something special about having to wait for the next installment. With waiting comes anticipation, which is one of the greatest feelings when it's rewarded with something that far exceeds the mind's expectations.
So in our rush to get every good thing in life, maybe we should spread things out a bit. If we spoil ourselves too often with being lazy on our computers, then it stops being a novelty. If we work and accomplish things, then sit down to relax on the internet, that time is well-earned and enjoyed that much more. If we read a few chapters of a book at a time, we have time to dwell on those things we read while we accomplish other things, and we bring a fresh and more extensive understanding to the book the next time we sit down to read it. I'm not suggesting that we completely disregard life's little pleasures for the sake of moderating ourselves. I just think that indulging too much in a good thing can make us ungrateful for the amazing things we experience daily.
In a world where everything is just a mouse-click away, let's moderate our actions and not be those who are never satisfied with what we have. Let's not disregard life's little pleasures as trivial or easy to come by. Let's work for what we get, and let it be that much more sweet. Instant gratification is highly overrated, so let's keep a little bit of mystery and moderation in our life. Most of all, let's not get bored with all that we have, and truly respect life for what it is.
Until tomorrow, here's the song from the Harry Potter tribute video, which I really like:
So sit for a few minutes and listen to it. See you back here soon!
I couldn't format the title just right, so here's the full quote:
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate
And though I oft have passed them by
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
~J.R.R. Tolkien~
I think that this speaks for itself, so I won't tarnish it by trying to embellish it with my thoughts and deductions.
Today I've had an interesting day. I won't go into the gory details, because they're unnecessary things to dwell on. However, I've realized how easy it is to become less than content with what I have. I have been born into a free country, and I can write about anything I choose. My family isn't struggling paycheck-to-paycheck, so I have the means to go to a university and learn and experience new things. I have mostly supportive people around me in the form of friends and family. Despite all these things, however, I can still manage to be discontent. Honestly, though, what right do I have to be discontent when I have been given all of these wonderful things?
I'm not saying that I'm unhappy, because I'm not. I do consider myself a happy person, most of the time. However, sometimes I enter into this stage between happy and unhappy, where I feel like I'm neither. I can only explain it as not being content with what I have. I guess it mostly stems from not really understanding much about what I'm doing or who I'm becoming. I feel almost like I'm in limbo, just hanging out, waiting for the scales to tip one way or another. I can't really explain it much better than that.
Let's just say that today, I feel like the scales are leaning down, and it's not a good feeling. I feel like instead of waiting to see which way the scales are going to tip, I need to actively work on some things. I can't always be waiting for things to happen to me. Making things happen takes work, dedication and, for me especially, courage, but I can't passively wait for things to happen anymore. The waiting game is one game I refuse to play if the solutions already exist. Instead of waiting for them to find me, I have to go out and find them.
So, with that, here's a video that I found last night. I quite like it (I prefer it in HD):
And I think that'll be all for today. I'll be back soon!
How true this quote is. I agree with it completely.
Today I tried to make chocolate popcorn. Tried being the key word. Right now, I am sitting with a bowl full of beautiful popcorn, covered in seized chocolate clumps. All I have to say is this: I am my mother's daughter. It tastes surprisingly good, though!
Here's a song that's great:
For some reason, I really like this song. So enjoy!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My blog has officially made it through one year of my rants, raves, and reviews. This is so exciting! Congratulations little blog. I couldn't have kept some of my sanity without you! I am so proud of the quotes I've gathered here, as well as the honest posts I've blogged. Blogging takes some adjustment and getting used to, but I think it's worth it to be able to go back as see what I was thinking about a year ago and what music I was listening to.
Ewan McGregor stopped by with a message. How appropriate!
So with that beautiful man to wish us a happy birthday, I'll go on to confess something that I have been thinking about today (and yes, I'm sorry, it's about marriage). In church, there was a speaker that said something about waiting for her prince charming, and with her faith, she knows he'll come. This disturbed me a little bit. So I forgot about it and went on with my day. I watched the Christmas special episode of Downton Abbey with my mom (which was absolutely wonderful!), then drove back with my dad to my apartment. On the way, we briefly discussed marriage. He was saying something about how today's media and entertainment is indoctrinating us incrementally to become opposed to marriage. In an institute class a few weeks back, there was a substitute teacher that was also saying that eternal marriage is the most important thing we do in this life. My reaction to this was a little bit negative, naturally, because I have blocked thinking about marriage from my mind for so long. It's a natural reaction I had to having everything around me revolving around marriage, from the young women's program when I was twelve to roommates here in college to siblings very recently. I was so confused by it and angry at having it shoved down my throat for so long, I blocked off thinking about it in any way other than hostility and bafflement. And perhaps my dad was right that I was being indoctrinated by the movies I watch.
However, today something changed. Maybe it was seeing my sister and her boyfriend. Maybe it was watching Downton Abbey and Mary and Matthew's wonderful relationship. Maybe it was just bound to happen eventually. Whatever the reason, I had an enlightening thought. Before, I just didn't know what I wanted, whether it be marriage or singledom for the rest of my life. There were moments, like when I finished watching Pride and Prejudice, when I would think about how nice it would be to find someone that loved me and spend my life with them. Then there were the moments, like after seeing roommates turn into psychos when they started dating the next door neighbor, when I thought that marriage was definitely not for me. I couldn't deal with someone else for the rest of life, let alone eternity (because, at least in my mind, that's kind of a long time). I thought that getting my own place, getting a dog, and doing my own cleaning, bills, and job would be a good fit for me. And I still think that is definitely an appealing option. But as silly as it sounds, Downton Abbey is really making me see a different perspective of things.
What I realized as I was unpacking my laundry was this: I'm not afraid of marriage as marriage. I'm afraid of the version of marriage I've seen with roommates, peers in my classes, and the version of marriage I was taught about in the young women's program. I'm a little unconventional, but I'm a romantic. I realized I've become afraid of marriage because I don't see marriage as the ultimate goal. I want to find love, not a marriage. I want that one-in-a-million type of love that defies all odds. I want someone to be so smitten with me, they'll look at me like Matthew looks at Mary. I know that love usually leads to marriage, and I'm not opposed to marriage if it grows from true love. However, too often, I feel like girls my age want that eternal marriage that we learn about from the time we turn twelve, and that is their main goal. That might work for some people, but for me, there has to be something more.
Perhaps I'm setting my bar too high or expecting too much. Maybe I shouldn't base real life on what I see in movies and TV shows. However, when I see a couple like Matthew and Mary, something different happens. I feel hopeful, and it's freeing. For once, the talk of marriage doesn't make me cringe, but instead makes me clasp my hands to my heart and smile uncontrollably. Their love blossomed despite their circumstances and grew to be something beautiful, real, and honest. They couldn't stop loving each other, even when their situations demanded it, and their friendship was strong no matter what the circumstance. Their eyes always found each other's at the dinner table, and they were always there in the moments they needed one another.
My problem is that I don't want a marriage for marriage's sake. I don't have a goal to get married before I'm 25 or have three kids by the time I'm 30. My goal is to find that one person (and yes, I believe in soul mates) that I can share that one-in-a-million kind of love with. I want someone with eyes that express their heart. So hopefully that's not just in the movies.
So there's my major confession. I think I have a long way to go before I understand all this stuff, but this blog is really helping to sort some of it out. So there it is. I hope this wasn't a disappointing birthday post. I really felt like ranting today, though, so my blog's scoop of birthday celebrations gets some extra opinions sprinkled on top.
Just to end this year with a bang, I will share my top five obsessions of the moment, in case I haven't made them that clear yet. Here goes:
#1: Downton Abbey (no surprises there, I'm sure) - This song played twice on my playlist while I was blogging. I really like it, and it just happens to be called "An Ideal Marriage" (figures, right?). The video montage is a little cheesy, but has some great moments from the show.
#2: Tom Hiddleston - intelligent, attractive, and an amazing actor
#3: Novak Djokovic - Best tennis player in the world, intelligent, intense, and funny
He's so fantastic, he gets two pictures!
#4: Brandon Flowers and The Killers - great music, attractive guy (always a plus)
#5: Sherlock - quick, witty show that keeps you on your toes
And that's all for today! Hopefully I still agree with everything I said tomorrow. . . . Until then, though enjoy the beautiful pictures and videos! And go have some virtual birthday cake. I'll be back soon!
Today, which has already been an emotionally exhausting day, my mom was talking to my sister and said something about how books change. And it's true. Every time you re-read a book, you get more from it. Different things stand out, and the things that seemed so important and obvious before become mere details. If you read a book when you're young, then revisit it years later, sometimes it's like you're reading a completely different book. This quote explains this phenomenon perfectly. What you see in a book is a reflection of how you're experiencing life at the moment. That's why people connect with certain characters more than others. I think the same goes for TV shows, movies, and any story that's being told.
Yesterday, my roommate commented that I love drama-filled TV shows. While I like shows like Downton Abbey, Gilmore Girls, Sherlock, and various others that have lots of characters with multiple story lines (not so much with Sherlock), I don't like them for the "drama" of the stories. I love shows with great storytelling, in-depth character development, and relatable characters that I connect with on some level. She assumed I watch all the shows I do for pure love of drama (which obviously isn't true, at least in my own life). I do like the characters and their stories, and that is why I'm a TV show and book addict.
Books are the perfect way to escape your life for a moment (or a day) and lose yourself in another story. It's completely true that when you sit down with a book, you read it in a completely different way than anyone else. When you read, you read your version of the story. The story becomes your own, and you add to it with any experiences you've had. That's why I love reading.
I think that's all I can write for today. But today's the final day of my blog's birthday countdown! So enjoy this song (Warning: it swears and talks about drug use. For some reason I still like it . . . .):
Yes, that is a quote from Downton Abbey. Like I've said, I'm obsessed. But in other news, it is only two days until my young little blog's birthday. Can I just say that I'm so proud of it so far? I love the renovations I've made and all the quotes I've accumulated here. I hope to keep it going for much longer. The birthday celebration is in the works, so I hope I can actually make it to this blog on Sunday. My weekend was looking open, empty, and lonely. But now it looks full, busy, and full of family that I need to see. Don't worry, though, by Sunday night, this blog will have a full on birthday surprise. I just haven't completely figured out what I'm going to do. Hopefully it'll be grand.
Can't you imagine driving a little Irish car down this road?
As for today, I'm watching Downton Abbey to pass the time until I go home and see my twin sister. Although she makes me angry, and we don't understand each other 90% of the time, it is always good to go on our traditional drives with our beloved truck Demetri and catch up. But mostly, I'm excited to go home again. There is just a relaxed feeling at home that I don't experience in college apartments. I can relax because I don't have to worry about taking care of an empty apartment or being social with roommates. When I'm home, I can hang out and talk to my family, or I can just go to my room and watch Downton Abbey on repeat. However, that level of relaxation isn't good for extended periods of time (I end up getting lazy and more anti-social than I usually am), which is why I moved away from home to go to college. Well, one of the many reasons.
I can just see myself there.
Speaking of being away from home, I have a strong desire to travel. This summer, I've been feeling a road trip, but with the rising gas prices, lack of car, and lack of people to accompany me, I don't see it happening. Which is surprisingly okay with me. I'd like to think that all of these summers with no vacation are adding up to a big vacation in my future. Other than road trips to places on this continent, one of the places I most want to visit one of these days is Great Britain. I want to see Ireland, England, Scotland, all those wonderful places. I want to sit outside Wimbledon and eat strawberries and cream. I want to live in England for a while and get all the BBC channels (there are several, imagine that!), with unedited versions of the shows I love. I found out that PBS specially edits BBC shows. Like Sherlock and Downton Abbey. I think that's weird.
Anyway, so I'm going to go now. My family is on their way to pick me up and bring me home! So with that, here's a song until tomorrow. It's sung by the same person that sang the vocals on the Downton Abbey soundtrack. It reminds me of Lord of the Rings a bit. Plus, when I listen to it with my eyes closed, I can imagine I'm flying over the Irish countryside. So have a listen:
Beautiful, isn't it? And this is what I see when I listen to it with my eyes closed:
I actually used to pair that video of Ireland with this song. I'd mute the Ireland flyover video and watch it while this song played on a different tab:
However, I think video #1 fits it just as nicely. So enjoy those! And here's my confession of the day: I would consider applying for the Bachelor just so I could go to awesome, beautiful places like Croatia, Prague, or Switzerland. Not really, but still. Maybe I'll just be on the Amazing Race. That'd be much easier. Well, that's all for today! I'll be back tomorrow.
First of all, I love Harry Potter. And Sirius Black. I'm in an HP mood because the first few chapters of Chamber of Secrets just opened up on Pottermore. I highly recommend it, especially the character explanations from the great J.K. Rowling herself. I loved Professor McGonagall's background, and the Malfoy family one was very interesting as well. Every time I think of Professor McGonagall right now, however, I think of this:
Have I mentioned how obsessed I am with Downton Abbey lately? So, yesterday night, I promised to lead up to my blog's first birthday with confessions. My first confession isn't really a confession. My closest friends and family members actually know it. So here goes: I'm in love with Tom Hiddleston. Okay, there it is. It's actually embarrassing, to tell you the truth, how attached I've gotten to a celebrity. That I've never met. I've probably watched hours worth of interviews and videos of him, as well as stalked fandom blogs (some are very strange, by the way, and I think some of his fan following needs therapy . . . not me, though, at least for this). Here's my most embarrassing confession about my love of Tom Hiddleston: I got a fake twitter account so I could follow him. Speaking of which, how is Twitter not illegal? It really feels like stalking. Really. So yeah. There's a confession. And here's some great pictures of this beautiful, intelligent, British man.
So now that I've committed one of many obsessions to eternal cyberspace (I've noticed most of my obsession are British men, television, or popular in Britain), I can get into the real stuff. First of all, I'd just like to mention the fact that up until this point in my life, I've considered myself a shy extrovert, in a way. I know that doesn't make much sense. To crave being around people but to be cripplingly shy when I'm around them seems to be a little strange. Despite that, I've always known I need people. I think things are changing, however, and in a good way. I am definitely becoming less cripplingly shy. Instead of crippling, my shyness is verging on manageable. For the first time in my life, I have been able to go to job interviews and speak normally. I have been able to converse with people in social situations without closing up like a clam and turning red. I can give presentations in some of my classes without wanting to fade into the wall behind me. Although I still have a long ways to go before I reach that point where I can do all those things without any shyness or awkwardness, I'm happy with where I am.
On the other side of things, I have become more introverted. Although I speak with a little more freedom and ease, I have withdrawn a little bit more into myself. I don't divulge as much as I did with previous friends with my current friends. I think this might be because I'm afraid of judgement. I have formed more solid opinions and ideas, and I feel like if I put them out there, they'll be judged, ripped apart, or just disregarded. Sometimes I feel drained when I am around people, even my closest friends. I have come to depend on alone time, even if it is just time with my headphones blocking out the world as I read online fandom about Downton Abbey or Tom Hiddleston.
Whatever my issues are, let's just say that I'm a loner that likes being around people, but only if I'm left alone and unnoticed, unless I want to be noticed or talking to someone. There you have it. Simple!
Here's a great song that just came on my Pandora station, so enjoy:
I like to think that I know a whole lot more than I actually do. For example, my last post (or rant) about relationships was completely unfounded. My sister was right to say that I knew nothing about relationships and being in love. However, her saying that wounded my pride, so I had to prove my great knowledge of love and relationships to absolutely no one in cyberspace through this blog. Too often I get hung up on proving to myself that what people say about me isn't true, when I should really just stop focusing on myself altogether. I've found that I am one of the most self-involved people in the world, and this blog where I'm literally talking to myself probably isn't helping much.
Even Watson from BBC's Sherlock blogs as therapy.
However, this blog has turned out to be very therapeutic for me. Like John Watson on BBC's Sherlock, maybe I should blog about real life experiences and thoughts in order to adjust to real life. I feel like it is a sort of therapy to write out my thoughts and clarify at least a fraction of them. Plus, I'm not ready to stop thinking about myself. I'm still trying to sort out the muddled mess of thoughts in my mind and figure out who I am and what I believe. So for now, I think this blog is helping me in a silly little selfish way. So I'll keep it.
I just looked back on some of my posts from the last year and realized it's almost my blog's birthday. This Sunday, my beloved (yet often neglected) little blog will turn a grand one year old! Celebrations are in the works at this very moment. Something spectacular will surely take place in this very blog in a mere four days! And leading up to this momentous occasion, I have decided I will blog every day until then. I will share things that I'm reluctant even to tell my closest friends and family members. They won't be here to read it though, so it's all okay.
Now, I just have to share a few things that I've neglected to post throughout the last year of blogging. For some reason, I haven't opened up completely and written what's really on my mind. I haven't truly written as myself. Despite the fact that no one reads this blog other than my mom and me, I've had a sort of shyness that I can't quite explain. One of my most embarrassing moments can explain the reason why I believe I can't even commit my thoughts of the moment to a random, unknown website.
This was not me.
When I was a freshman in college, which is almost two years ago now, I got set up on a date for a ward dinner and dance with the cutest guy in the ward. I can still taste the slimy lasagna that he took two helpings of, see the entire circle of unfamiliar faces at our table, and feel the adrenaline rush of fear when they announced the dance portion of the night. To say I was out of my comfort zone is a huge understatement. I'm blushing just thinking about that awkward night. I had fun, but when I try to think back on that night, all I seem to remember were the most awkward or uncomfortable moments. I remember him teaching me how to do the foxtrot steps. I remember having fun learning how to create a pattern of movement in rhythm to the music and enjoying being led by one of the cutest and nicest guys in the room. But then, much to my dismay, the music changed to Top 40 hits. His guiding arms fell away, leaving me all alone to dance to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies." Not exactly foxtrot material. I panicked. I could dance if all I had to do was replicate a pattern. When it came to freestyling like a normal person, however, I couldn't make myself dance. There was literally a mental block. I can't exactly explain it. So we were standing there, in the middle of the dance floor, and I remember the moment clearly. He said, "No one cares how you look when you dance. Just go for it!" I remember looking at him, wondering how it was so easy for him to disregard everything and just dance freely. I stood there and said, "I care what I think." I mean. Come on. How lame is that? The look he gave me is still seared into my brain. It was part confusion, part judgement, and part a lack of understanding my situation. That moment displays one of my biggest weaknesses. I care too much what I think of myself.
You see, I was so afraid of seeming foolish, I stopped myself from dancing with the cutest guy in the ward. (He ended up accidentally falling into the splits later on, so maybe not dancing would've been a good idea for him too.) Part of my reluctance to dance was that I didn't know how, part was that I didn't want to look foolish in front of this guy, but most of it was a mental block I put on myself. I didn't want to dance because I cared too much what I thought about myself. Yes, to put it shortly, I was too full of myself to make a fool of myself. I can't even say how many times I've done that and ended up not having as much fun as I could have.
This problem won't be an easy one to fix, but I'm determined to end my egotism and self-absorption before they stop me from truly experiencing life. I need to realize that I truly don't know anything. It's okay to be "ignorant" as some people put it, because it's impossible to know everything about everything, no matter how hard people (including me) try.
Now, I need to go to bed before I get too caught up in talking about myself again. All the same, I will post again soon with more random rants that justify my actions to myself. The countdown to my blog's birthday starts tomorrow! Until then, enjoy this song that came onto my Pandora station. I quite like it:
And this song is in the trailer for The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie, and I like it quite a bit:
Well, actually, I like the movie trailer as well:
So with all that, enjoy until tomorrow! I will be back to emotionally spew my mental dialogue. I can't wait.
I wish I could just post this quote and explain how it resonates with my soul at the moment or whatever I usually say in these posts. However, I have a lot more on my mind that I need to get out. I just finished watching Downton Abbey, a beautifully wonderful show that can help me explain what I've been thinking about lately.
Matthew and Lady Mary in Downton Abbey
Okay, so in the show, there's a character that I have connected to. Lady Mary Crawley, the main character, embodies something I like to think I possess. Although I do not attempt to compare myself to her in most ways, I think one aspect of our personalities is at least similar. We share a similar determination and will to make things work out for ourselves. Lately, I have started realizing how determined I get about certain things. My problem is that I just have to find a way to be determined to make good things happen, instead of proving myself right or being selfish. I'm not saying I shouldn't be determined to make things work my way, because I am a big believer in making things happen for ourselves. We can sit and complain all we like, but with everything we've got in the world today, there's no excuse we can make for not reaching what we want to achieve. The only excuses are laziness, a lack of determination, self-doubt, and fear. These are not good enough reasons to not go after what we want. I let them stop me way too often. Life usually doesn't provide the perfect chance to make our dreams happen, and if we end up waiting for everything to fall into place perfectly, most of the time we end up missing our chance. The best things come from hard work and determination to succeed despite the imperfections in our journey.
Edith, Mary, and Sybil Crawley
Another thing I take from the show is more observations about relationships. I know, I know, it's all anyone ever talks about (at least where I'm from), but I think this is important to point out. I was talking to my sister on the phone today, and she was telling me how she really thinks this guy that's been around is "it." They've just gotten back together (there was a very long, unusual stage where they weren't together, but acted like they were) and have started to make it very known to the public. Now, I've had multiple roommates each year of college that were dating or engaged. I'd like to think that although I don't understand relationships and the feeling of being in love with someone, I do catch on to some aspects of being in a relationship. And here's what I know: from all the relationships I've seen around me, I know that there is a way to be a normal, functioning couple in love. Sometimes it seems hopeless that there could be couples out there you would want to root for, but there still are. My sister shot me down today on the phone when I started to explain why I still didn't trust the guy that strung her along for months. I wasn't trying to make her not trust him, nor was I trying to give her relationship advice. I was merely pointing out the reasons why I didn't trust him. She responded by saying, "Honestly, you have no idea about relationships." And perhaps I don't.
However, at least for now, I know this: I don't want a relationship that makes me miserable for six months or longer as I wait for a man to decide whether or not he wants me. I don't want a relationship that makes others feel awkward or alienated. I don't want a relationship that people don't want to root for. And I don't want a relationship in which I don't feel like an equal. In Downton Abbey, Lady Sybil, who I like as a character, followed her heart and ran off with the chauffeur, who was a bit controlling and demanding. I didn't want to root for them. However, Lady Mary and Matthew, despite their struggles, were always equal partners in crime. Neither ever tried to control the other. Maybe that's the beauty of their relationship. They stayed on the same playing field, never trying to have the upper hand on the other. No matter how desperate their situation seemed, they didn't use each other, but only ever supported one another. That is the the kind of relationship I want.
I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to be in a relationship, but I am working to figure out what I want from one. Although I probably shouldn't draw inspiration from BBC period dramas, I really do wish I could have someone like Matthew: perfectly honorable, unfailingly supportive, and absolutely in love with me. Until then, I'll just have to keep watching Downton Abbey.
Here is the beautiful theme from the show. I listen to it to soothe my sould, and it's been working today:
So enjoy the music, and I'll be posting again soon.
It's been a crazy month. Actually, it's been a crazy year. I'm not going to do an end of the year summary or forecast the year ahead. Instead I'm going to post a song.
Okay, I'm going to post two videos, just because I really like the new Coldplay album....well, it's not exactly new. Oh well, you can never have enough Coldplay, right?
These last few weeks have been spent at home again with my family. There is something about being home...I like to compare it to electric cars. As college students, we're zippy, new, and efficient (okay, I don't really know about the last one.) but we only have so much energy. So occasionally, we have to stop and plug into an outlet, which in this metaphor represents home and family. I know that's kind of a silly metaphor, but to me, home is definitely a place that is well-needed, at least by this college student.
This next semester is going to be challenging, but at least for now I'll say that I'm up for a good challenge. :)
